It is estimated that 3 in 5 people will be carers at some point in their lives. The vast majority of care in the UK is provided by family and friends, who make up the UK’s 6.5 million carers.
The recent Care UK report “Break or Breakdown” has stated that an estimated 72% of Carers have not had a break during the pandemic.
We sat down with our Supply Chain Manager, Kate Williams who is a Carer for both of her parents to discuss how she balances work, being a single parent and being a Carer without burning out.
“Both Mum and Dad have complex issues. Both are diabetic, requiring medication and regular check-ups. Dad has Chronic Kidney Disease, Atrial Fibrillation, deafness, cataracts in both eyes, he has mobility issues which can mean some days he can’t move at all, his mobility issues have also resulted in a number of falls. Due to his medication he can be injured quite badly and will need dressing and therefore mean a trip to the surgery or hospital. He is a very proud man and wants to be mum’s main carer but obviously this is dependent on how well he is himself.
Mum has Ulcerative Collitis, Crohns, Diverticulitis, Complex Fistulas and Hernias. All of which means she is constantly fighting infections so on a full-time course of antibiotics for life now that they alternate to stop the body building up antibodies against one particular drug. The amount of infection she has means she has daily nausea and sickness, bleeds, fatigue, and when the infections spike she can be left unable to get out of bed or get dressed.
When Dad’s infections spike he usually ends up with a hospital stay which means I would visit mum before work to check on her, get her breakfast and leave a lunch ready in the fridge, then back after work for her tea and check she’s ok before bed
Mum needs blood tests every 2 months for her medication checks before they can be re-prescribed and these are done at the GP – they don’t drive any more so I take her to these also.
They both have regular hospital appointments or check-ups – Mum is under four different teams at the hospital so that in itself explains how often she has to go! She doesn’t like hospitals and can be very unwell meaning she doesn’t want to use taxi’s or other transport so I always take her to these.
Day to day things that may seem easy for everyone else, like shopping I’ve managed to get organised with online shopping now. But at the beginning it was difficult to even get slots for us all, I was unable to go to the shops and also had to rely on online shopping due to shielding. Mum makes a list of what they need and then I do the online stuff for her. She does try herself but can often be left with items she wasn’t expecting for example, 25 bananas for the 2 of them last week because she wanted 5 but ordered 5 packs of 5! She also panics about not getting a delivery slot since Covid so puts anything in the basket to hold the slot with the intention of changing it later … resulting in an unexpected delivery of 6 bottles of prosecco one week!!
I try and visit them at least every other day when they’re ‘normal’ but daily and often twice a day when they’re having flare ups or particularly unwell.
Also, dad can’t hear on the phone so any arrangements that are needed or appointments booking etc I do for them.
The pandemic has brought added stress like the rescheduling of appointments due to the inevitable delays from Covid. At times Mum has been without the medication she needs.
It’s meant no visitors for them which has hit their mental health quite hard and they have both actually ended up needing some anti-depressants to help with this. It has been very isolating for them when they’ve had little else to look forward to lately.
Their eldest (my brother Dave) has been diagnosed with a rare cancer (soft tissue sarcomas) during lockdown and the worry for him has been huge, not being able to see him whilst he has undergone treatments and surgeries I’m sure has had a big impact on them
Mum was taken by ambulance during the first lockdown with a suspected heart attack and nobody was allowed to go to the hospital with her – this was devastating for Dad to watch her leave on her own, and in fact took the paramedics longer to convince him she’d be fine and that he had to stay at home than it did to get to her in the first place!
Delays with opticians being closed meant dad’s cataracts got worse without us knowing – he’s a proud man who wants to do as much for himself as he can so never complains or tells us when things aren’t great.
Cleaners weren’t allowed during the first lockdown so once a week I’d go round and give the house a quick going over – they’re thankfully allowed in now!
Also, the hearing clinic was closed and when his hearing aids broke, mum had taken a turn for the worse one day and was calling out for his help from the bedroom but he couldn’t hear her!
I had surgery during lockdown which I was prepared for but because of Covid I had to isolate before and after which meant a longer period of time to arrange extra help/cover for Mum and Dad that wouldn’t normally have been needed
Throughout all of this I have been trying to work as well! Being a single parent, I am the main provider for my son Archie and could have had job security to worry about as well.
But I haven’t, Mark has been hugely accommodating with time off for appointments for both of my parents. There have been times when in meetings my phone has gone off following a fall for dad or a particularly bad sickness day for mum and before I can say “I need to go” he says … “Do you need to go?”
I’ve at other times started to explain that I’ve had a call and he simply replied “What are you still doing here then” – these instances are more often than not followed up with a phone call that usually goes “Just ringing for two things, one to check how your Mum (or Dad) are” to which I explain and then the second thing is always “And how are you, is there anything we can help with?”.
As a single parent I’m often hit with mum guilt for not having enough time for Archie and splitting my free time between my parent’s needs, the kid’s needs and my own but I can honestly say I have never been made to feel like they were or should ever be second place to any work commitments and I don’t think many employees get to say that very often.
The past year has been difficult, not just the Covid period – although that whole period of shielding was particularly challenging. Building up to that was already filled with what felt like no time for myself – and I’m not complaining, I’m happy to help and would do more if I could, but every once in a while, I needed a battery recharge that never came!
My brother knew this, and a cancer scare for himself which meant he had to come and stay with me to attend a hospital referral. He commented how my day off was consumed with trips to shops, doctors, chemists, parents, school etc and when did I get an actual day off!
So, he organised a trip for me to stay with him, arranged cover for Mum and Dad, house sitting and my travel. With the promise of ‘You won’t need to lift a finger all week’ how could I refuse!! It was very hard to accept the offer, and he knew I wouldn’t organise it myself so went ahead and put me in the position of not being able to say no! And I am so glad and grateful that he did, I completely switched off (eventually) for the first time in ages and it was bliss!”
We caught up with Kate’s twin brother to ask whether or not she really did chill out when she stayed with him!
“I noticed the change in her om day two. For a tiny snap shop in time, for the first time in 7 years, she was entirely at ease and her mind wasn’t occupied with anyone or anything else – other than her sun cream! I had my twin back, albeit only for a few days”
Managing Director Mark Colebrook explains why supporting employees like Kate is so important to Astor Bannerman. “The industry that we are in allows us to see first-hand how important people like Kate are and the vital role they play for people living with disabilities.
As we continue to grow as a business we have worked hard to maintain the family values that started with Astor Bannerman in 1993.
We have ensured that employees that are Carers, work in an environment that supports them and recognises their role as a Carer.
We have achieved this through flexible working hours, working from home and I operate an open -door policy. I want all employees to feel they have the help and understanding from their manager.
We are extremely proud of Kate and the ongoing vital role she plays for her parents”
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